As I sat in the church and listened to the remembrances being read I couldn't help but wonder if we knew Denise more than her actual family did. I watched as Carla broke down and left the church, as Faith gave a little cheer to the congregation with jokes from her conversations with Denise. Then i went up....my mind became so blank. What do I say? So many lovely memories to relay because she had forbidden us from singing at her funeral...it wasn't supposed to be so soon though. I didn't tell them of the times she stayed up to watch me study because she knew after 2 pages i would fall asleep...I didn't tell them that if she called me crying I would go to her no matter where I was or what time it was...I didn't tell them about the nights we went out with only $500 in our pockets. No matter what we did, a good time was definitely a guarantee.
I wish I could go back and share all I had to share but the service is over...I stood there as they lowered her casket. (her makeup was gorgeous by the way...not her style but she would have loved it) The sun was out and the tears and sweat were pouring down my cheeks. As I stood there n watched as they covered her I noticed that Stacy and Faith needed me. I had to be strong for them because that's just the type of person that I am.
It finally dawned on me that we weren't punked. She was actually gone..the ply then the steel then the cement...I stood there n watched for what seemed like hours. It was the ultimate goodbye!
How will I help the tears from falling everytime I think about her, everytime I see Anna or Yana, her mother, her pictures, her twitter page? I can only pray that the peace of mind that I long for will bring me to a place where things make sense again...where I wake up and go to work and feel that my presence is being felt and purpose served. Being in the lives of those girls is my greatest challenge now. They need to know how wonderful their mother was and who better to do it that us.
Until then...we reminisce!
